PESA PAP.

So you have decided to embrace laziness and wear it around like a comfortable coat, uh? It’s okay, who am I to judge you anyway?

 You can still be rich in Kenya without hard work though .I’ll tell you how.

1. Ask everyone in the country (fellow Kenyans, tourists, foreign diplomats, illegal immigrants …etc.) to give you one shilling each.

2. Join an evil cult whereby you provide them with people they can use as human sacrifice in exchange for money. Start with those people who think that my blog is boring.

3. Strategically erect a sign post advertising yourself as “Daktari kutoka Pemba” (yeah, say Pemba coz Kitui has become too mainstream)

Don’t forget to brag how you cure strange illnesses like “kushindwa kuosha sufuria iliyopikia ugali” .Say also how you make light skin chics reply to men’s texts real quick.Yeah,declare that men will no longer have to wait for text replies like telegrams thanks to your ‘’Dawa. ”

4. Sing a typical Kenyan club banger:

·         Ensure you use a funky beat. 

·         Name the song after a certain body part like “Kisugudi. ”

·         Make sure the lyrics tell us how you use the aforementioned body part to dance to the song.

5. Come up with a fake discovery on the medicinal value of a certain animal product. Make it a wild animal for it to sound more authentic.Ensure it gets good coverage in electronic, print and social media. For example you can claim that recent research has shown that a hippo’s milk makes ones skin smooth like that of a new born baby. Start then selling baby hippos to people at an astronomical price.

6. Join one of the various sports betting sites.

PS: For you to get rich through betting, you will have to pour lots of libation and make uncountable burnt offerings to you ancestors.

7. Have a daughter. Wait till somebody wants to marry her and ask for 5 million shillings coz “apart from being very educated, she knows how to boil water. ”

8.Start selling a concoction that allegedly enlarges bums and widens hips. Use creative business slogans like “nunua chupa nnne,upewe tatu na uongezewe moja.”

9. Change your name to Richard and insist that people call you Rich. Ignore all those who call you Richie.

10. Blog an article briefly giving tips to lazy people on how they can effortlessly get rich. Ask for money for you to give further details on the mentioned tips.

For further details on the above mentioned tips, MPESA a minimum of kshs 500 to 0702931630.

N.B: How many of you are wondering why I haven't used the above tips to get rich myself? Please raise up your hands. Wow! You are many. Now use the hands you have raised to slap yourselves.Mganga hajigangi.